“Quotable”

Professor Lucifer Von Diablos is a showman, no doubt about it. He has that unique talent to deliver witticisms with perfect timing. Like P.T. Barnum, Groucho Marx, and W.C Fields, this carny is a quotable entertainer that will be remembered for his sayings long after he has stopped talking.
- On the Dogfaced Boy: “He’s a teenager. I’d expect him to chase tail, just not his own tail”
- On Jumbo Jenna: “She ate her way to the top, literally. We used to have a less fat fat lady, then Jenna ate her. The rest is history.”
“Once, we thought she was pregnant. Turns out she had just sat on a midget and he got stuck… where? Well, it sure wasn’t her armpit, Einstein”
- On guessing weights and ages: “Women hate it, but it’s not my fault if they’re old and fat.
- On Funnel Cakes: “Dough and white powder…Reminds me of the 80’s, before I joined the carnival.”
- On the Bumper Cars: “It’s like the L.A. Freeway, without guns.”
- On whether or not carnival games are fixed: “Well, they sure as hell ain’t broke! But if you mean, do we cheat… only when there’s money on the line”
- On the Circus: “Their tent smells like animal crap. Our midway smells like cotton candy. They have a bunch of clowns running the operation. We have rides. Which one are you gonna pay money for?”
- On the Carnival’s Ventriloquist Act: “One’s made out of wood. The others a dummy.”
- One the Great Galetto: “You wanna see him do a real magic trick? Watch how he disappears when you ask him where he learned how to escape from handcuffs.”
- On the Ringmaster: “Anybody that talks as much as he does should just shut up.”