"The Burden"

I am fairly certain that most believe prison is a harsh, violent place, filled with those unfit to live successfully in society. While a portion of those in here fit that description, many of us were young, foolish and impulsive when we committed our crimes. It took a lesson of great magnitude to wake us up to the reality of life. Some would say too little, too late. Now our lives are to be wasted as the lawmakers have determined it serves them to dispose of us like garbage or use us for their own greedy ends.

Currently, my position is one that leaves me a burden on my family and on the state. I have no means by which to relieve this, as the institutional policies prevent me from doing anything to elevate my circumstances. Not that I should profit or get rich but I wish to be able to support myself like any responsible adult.

This is not my greatest concern though. What troubles me the most is my past. Looking back I can see the consequences of my actions, not on myself but on others. I am beginning to understand empathy and truly reflect on the pain that I have caused others throughout my years of ignorance. My remorse is not for myself but for everyone else. For my brother, who used to adore and idolize his older brother, who is now bitter and angry...My brother, who is heartbroken and headed down a bad road. Not that he was ever the "target" of my actions but only now am I realizing how much greater the impact of my past. My remorse is for my Mom, who sheds so many tears and often blames herself for me going wrong...Though it was never her fault. My remorse is for all those who have experienced loss because of me or were in any way burdened by my own stupidity.

If an apology could fix anything then let the mending begin. For I truly am sorry but an apology can't take away the past. Honestly, I don't know if it is worth anything in the grand scheme of life. I suppose those affected by my mistakes have to accept that apology but it still doesn't change anything that has occurred.

I now take a moment to ask, on behalf of the ones who wish to atone, what can we do? Personally, I wish to do all I can to contribute to society, to give back all I can. I'm just not sure where to begin. I suppose the inspiration I can offer through this blog is a start but I feel I could do so much more. The problem is American prison systems are just warehousing us, not giving us the chance to contribute, to atone.

Grant me and others like me the opportunity to do something worthwhile. Enough of my life has been wasted.

Now, it may sound as though I am begging for clemency. While I desire freedom, I realize and accept what I have done and why I am in prison. Someday I will get out and I will continue working towards a productive life. All I am saying, on behalf of myself and my fellow "repentants", is that this time should be just as productive. Save the "warehouses" for those who don't care about making something better out of their lives.