"Greasepaint"

Every clown has a face, and every good face tells a story. It's more than just a big, red nose and greasepaint. It's about creating a unique character. Like any other act, it's all in the presentation. That's what separates the professions jokers for the birthday party bozos.

The clothes, the comedic style, even the act itself all hinges on the face. It's a product to be sold. If the suit makes the man, then the paint makes the clown.

But the clown has to believe in it too. He or she must embrace the face and become one with the character. I am Deadeye the Daring with or without my paint. The makeup only allows the Juggling Jester to surface and give the people a show.

Without my paint, I am nothing more than a deformed madman. Crippled before I was born by the stroke I suffered while still in the womb. My left side is weakened, the muscles of my face drooping obscenely. I am blind on that side as well, and my left eye rolls wildly beneath the lid that never fully closes. Psychiatrists have diagnosed me as insane. The state has institutionalized me eight times.

Without my pain, I am social pariah. With it, I am a star.

"Ferris Wheel"

Smiling faces walk the midway, oblivious to the sinister origins of a carnivals attractions. It is a place of madness and mayhem, disguised by brightly colored paint and pretty lights. Many of the rides are based on ancient torture devices. The games once had much higher stakes. I suppose ignorance really is bliss. It would certainly dampen the mood if people knew the truth.

Take the ride I operate, for example. Seems innocent enough. A big wheel, with seats that hang from crossbars. The wheel turns and the chairs go up, then they come down again. Great fun. But, did you know it comes from an interrogation tactic used right up until the mid-1800's? It's true. They used to strap the person being questioned to a rotating wheel, the base of which was under water. The wheel cranked until the victim was fully submerged. Then they were left there to thrash against their bonds for anywhere from 30 seconds to a full 2 minutes. Just before they drowned, the wheel was cranked again, bringing the subject back up for more questioning. If the answers weren't satisfactory...Down they went again.

The process was repeated again and again until the questioners were satisfied, or until the subject was dead, whichever came first. Fun fact huh?

Still want to ride? Got your ticket? Then step on up, you're the next in line.

"Erotica"

Size matters. Don't let anyone tell you differently. That's not to say that bigger is necessarily better, but it definitely has to be hearty enough to fill me up. I'm like Goldilocks. I want something that's just right. If it's too big I just can't handle it. Too small...well, take the other night for example. This guy come to my trailer with something that was barely a mouthful. It left me so unsatisfied I couldn't sleep. I was up all night tossing and turning.

I will say this, though, if the person really knows what they're doing I can make an exception. Like last night...Oh, it makes my knees weak just thinking about it!

I had this girl come over to take care of me. I don't usually swing that way, but she came highly recommended. She was well worth it too. Fulfilling my every desire right up to the big finish. What she did with whipped cream and syrup should be criminal.

Oh my, I'm getting all flustered. Maybe I'll call her up just one more time before we leave. I could do that now, just to see what kind of breakfast menu she puts together. Cooks like her don't come around often and my appetite demands the best. How do you think I keep up that voluptuous, thousand pound figure? Good food and a passion for eating.

"Lingering Mists"

The morning rides on the wind
I breathe lingering mists
And she reminds me of a sad, sad story
I don't believe she exists

And what's a dream to the dark
When the sun breaks my heart
with every memory I'm buried in agony
I should have known from the start

That you were no good...

Feel like I'm barely alive
When the mist hits my eyes
Each moment fades with the passing of days
Leaves scars on the inside

And what's a dream in the dark
A place where I'm torn apart
My hopes were dashed with only a glance
I should have know from the start

That you were no good...

No good for me...

"The Building of a Temple"

From the moment of our conception we begin constructing our legacy in life. We can picture it as the building of a temple, for we are sacred creations. Within us is the Divine just as we are with the Divine. It is our duty to build on a sturdy foundation and insure we do proper maintenance.

But we must be vigilant, for there is much in this life that can lead us astray. There are even those out there who seek to destroy the "temples" we are building but if our foundation is strong and we continue to build upon it, the towers will ascend to the heights. Construct a mighty fortress of wisdom and righteousness, then throw open the doors, so that those who seek truth may discover within...Blessed are the teachers for they give hope and guidance to a brighter future.

But give light only to those who tire of darkness, for many wish to believe in shadows rather than the realities that cast them and many create their own realities without regard to truth or consequences. Their minds are not receptive to wisdom and their response will be anger rather than acceptance. Though their foundations are weak and easily crumble, they choose to try tearing down anothers temple rather than rebuild their own.

Fools believe themselves to be wise, to possess truth. The wise man knows he is still a fool, for the wise man knows he is far from perfect and still lacks knowledge. The wise man never forgets he is incomplete and unless he can know ALL things, he understands that he can never be sure of anything. The fool accepts and looks no further, while the wise man continues to strive for the highest possible realms and then beyond. The wise man examines fully anything he discovers in order to fully comprehend. The fool sees only the surface, while the wise man digs to the depths to insure a sturdy foundation supports the premise.

It is our duty to continue building upon our own foundations and to insure the building blocks are sturdy enough to stand the tests of time. Be a shining example of structural integrity and when others look upon you, let them find no flaw.

"The Book of W.A.R. (When Anarchy Reigns)"

Imperfect palpatations pump pain in my veins/ venomous, vindictive adn violently insane/ A new breed of terror bubbling beneath/ Brilliantly psychotic, symphonic Anarchy/ Another architect for the agression in man/ Menacing, maniacal, Armeggedon I am/ Ripped from the headlines, evolution extract/ Mainstream media make way for my mental impact/ Crashing down like a comet from the heavens above/ Say your prayers, sinners, revolution has come/ Beneath the shadow of a Dragon with a lyrical bite/ Injecting my infection, granting spiritual sight.

Wide eyes...
Wide awake...
Forever more,
This is War!

Resurrect the brutal nation that brought us elevation/ A brand new infestation of rebellious inclination/ an heir to the throne, whom you've thrown before the swine/ Thus I bend all existence by the will of my mind/ Burn from the retinas institutional symbolism/ Single-minded suckers stuck in their schisms/ When injustice becomes law, rebellion is duty/ But we're quick to pull out guns and slow to start shooting/ And when bullets start flying, watch the sheep scatter/ The pride of a nation left hanging in tatters/ Remnants of our past becoming faded history/ Warped by politics and shaded memory.

Wide eyes...
Wide Awake...
Forever more
This is W.A.R.!

"Declaration of Independance"

Several days ago a guy came to me and told me about something known as "the American Sovereignty Act". According to him, it allows each of us to declare ourselves independant, self-governed entities. A nation in and of oneself.

He went on to say that we are all currently "straw men" owned by the United States. Our social security number is basically our bar code...the deed to our person. For the price of $250 and by declaring yourself a corporation you are no longer a subject of the United States, for you have "purchased" yourself back.

Now whether any of this is true, I am unsure. I don't have access to the necessary resources to investigate. I do know that our government has slowly been tipping the scales of power. What was once "by the people, for the people" has become "by the dollar, for the dollar". The more we head to the government's will, the less control the people possess adn Democracy is lost. We must think as individuals to create a united society and when injustice rules, we must stand up for what is right.

Remember, revolution has always led us to freedom and if we don't fight for what we believe in, those beliefs will be stripped from us.

No man owns me! I may be in prison but I am free to do as I choose. I choose a path of righteousness, not because it says somewhere that I have to but because it is my duty. My rights are not granted by a nation, they are mine by birth. and no one can take that from me. In the past I chose wrong doing because I was ignorant, thus I had to be muzzled like a dog. I gave power to others. Now that the veil has been lifted from my eyes, I take back that power. The government may rule the land but I rule myself. No one holds any power over me on this plane.

Abide by the laws of the land while in the land out of respect adn if they impose no burden. Fight only laws that are injust and illogical. Never let anyone rule you or what belongs to you and never try to dominate others. Live and let live! Declare yourselves a free people, pushing toward a brighter future.

"Prophecies of a Rebel"

I, "The Dragon Unleashed"
Beneath the flesh
Within the shadows...
...The Dragon lurks.

A beast without beginning
A fall without a rise

Patiently
he waits...

And the world shall know fury...
The world shall taste flames
A lyrical dragon
For the nuclear age.

Prepare the universe for a psychotic burst
Raw and uncut, like a gem in the earth
They say the sky turned black on the day of my birth
Dead on arrival, resurrected a curse
A mind interspersed with poetic fire
From the pen drips words set to inspire
A revolutionary shock like electrical wires
Sparks within a system of funeral pyres.

The growls within
Fracturing soul
Pushing me further
into Abyss....

But none shall contain.

"Here and Now"

I have been thinking about the past lately, how the days go by and when they're gone, they are gone for good, at least in all but memory. Looking back it seems so strange that we could have been there at that moment and now we are here in this one. We often take each moment for granted. Some of us spend so much time dwelling on what was, we miss what is or could be.

It is with this in mind I am struck by a realization. The present is our only reality. The past is no more and the future has yet to be shaped.

Who I am today is not the same as who I was yesterday and the person I will be tomorrow will be different in some way than the person I am today.

We are constantly evolving. Some changes are so small we don't notice them right away. Others have powerful impacts upon our lives. Regardless of the size of the changes, they occur all the time within us and without.

What this means is that we must live for each moment, experiencing all we can. Change is okay. Grow and become a better person for the future to come, because when tomorrow becomes today, you want to leave a good impression for the soon to be recorded past.

Do not be afraid to rise up and face the future. Do not regret the past. Empower the present and make each moment count for something.

"A Song to End the World By"

Purge your wicked ways,
Oh broken One,
For madness has come...
To tear off the guises you wear!
Clearing the shadows that wrap you in poisoned tentacles...

And when all the blood has dried
In only you will I confide,
that everything we've worked for is a song to end the world by...

When it comes crashing down,
I'll be nowhere around;
'Cause a fallen tree all alone,
Doesn't make a sound;
Into the webs we've spun,
the chambers of our guns,
And pretty things,
(yes they die too)
By the twisting of our tongues...
As yesterdays fade away,
And tomorrow comes lined with gray
I'll write for you a song to end the world by...

"Why Prison Is Failing (Part II)"

2. Avoidable sentences: Many of the guys I have met in here should not be here at all or should be serving lighter sentences. There are the guys who are first time offenders, who only made a mistake, either out of youthful ignorance or a bad string of events. Take the 18 year-old kid who stole his neighbors car for a joy ride now serving five years for grand theft auto; or the 26 year-old youth pastor who went to a friend's bachelor party, drank a little too much and ran someone over, now serving 24 years for reckless driving and vehicular manslaughter. How about another kid, barely 18, who slept with his 16 year-old girlfriend on prom night and is now serving 12 years for statutory rape. This list could go on and on. I could even include guys like myself who committed serious crimes but did so in impulsive ignorance and fully recognize the seriousness of their crimes. Guys that regret their actions and wish to do all they can to make up for their past....

Admittedly, all of us are guilty of criminal offenses but the severity of the punishments are often excessive and unnecessary. Take the joy-rider for instance; a notably bad prank on his part but just a dumb kid who made a mistake. Community Service would have been sufficient. Hell a night in jail with no charges would have probably been good enough to scare him straight. The youth pastor could have done far more outside of prison walls to make up for his crime. Do I need to even comment on the 18 year-old prom attendee? Maybe some of us believe in waiting till marriage or that they are too young but is prison really necessary when we have all suffered the raging hormones of adolescence...The 16 year-old by the way is now 22, married to the guy who "raped" her and visits him every weekend.

Then you have other guys, like this one friend of mine. He robbed a house and is now serving 20 year sentence. It was his first offense. He was a kid doing something incredibly stupid and yes he committed a crime but like the other guys I have mentioned, the sentence is far too severe. Each one of these guys should have either not received any time or charges or they should have gotten less time. Instead, a mistake or poor judgment has cost them their lives.

These sentences were unnecessary and the cases should have been judged with more logic. In this way, these guys could have avoided the trials of prison and worked towards developing a productive life on the outside. Their mistake not forgotten but also not something they should pay for with the rest of their lives.

"Night of the Living Dead - Part 5 (Resident Evil)"

I can't remember who I was
Awakening in a place unfamiliar to my eyes
Memory eroded, my thoughts are unclear
A deathly silence greeting my ears.

Evil seeps through these walls
I hear it screaming inside my skull
A plague unleashed upon the night
The dead have come back to life.

Somewhere, someone still has breath in their lungs
But the living are just as dead as the rest
A dark journey down into the hive
Brutal images scarring my mind.

And she watches as the blood is spilt
Ruler and queen of this kingdom she built.

I can't remember who I am
Awakening in a place unfamiliar to my eyes
A mutated virus infecting me
The reaper's touch, cold and bleak.

The darkness thickens, concealing the damned
Vile creatures with a hunger that burns
A taste for flesh, these decaying demigods
Compelled to kill by the bitch in the machine.

Evil seeps through these walls
I hear it screaming inside my skull
A plague unleashed upon the night
The dead have come back to life.

Night of the Living Dead
The sickness inside my head
Residing without remorse
The darkness at the source.

Evil seeps through these walls
I hear it screaming inside my skull
A plague unleashed upon the night
The dead have come back to life.

"Why Prison Is Failing (Part I)"

One of the most pressing problems the penal system faces is over population. The fault lies as much with the system itself as it does with the criminals. We are responsible for our own actions and most of us are guilty of crimes deserving time in prison but it is the justice system that is to blame for unnecessarily lengthy stays, avoidable sentences and the law success rate of productive reentry into society. Allow me to explain:

1. Unnecessarily lengthy stays: Sentencing is not based upon the likelihood of re-offense, there is no rehabilitation system for the earning of early release (at least not in Virginia) and most institutions enforce a retinue of rules designed not with the purpose of running an orderly operation but with the intent to antagonize the inmates. This allows them to write institutional charges that cost us money or lengthen our sentences.

Many of us can look around and clearly see who will get out and never cause another problem in society and who will still be a threat. Those striving for betterment in their lives often are serving lengthier sentences. Many of the most corrupt, violent and ignorant individuals are the ones getting released soon. Speaking of which, a prime example just sat down across from me. He is serving his third sentence. The first two were drug related, this last one an attempted car-jacking. Everyday he tries to scam people, looks for drugs and masturbates in a place where female officers working in the building can see him (an act known as 'gunning' in here). Now, I'm sure we can agree that this is a sick individual, unfit for society. A con man, a drug addict and a potential rapist...Guess what? He gets out in less than two years.

Then there are the guys like myself who spend everyday working to better ourselves. Yet, no matter what we accomplish, we will still be here long after the men I just described above.

There are no policies governing how sentences are determined and no real method of evaluating an offender prior to the sentencing. We are subject to the whims of the judges hearing our cases. Judges vary from case to case, so you may find a murderer, a car-jacker and a child molester all serving 50 year sentences, while three others with the exact same charges are only serving 20 years. A rapist serving 5 years, while a drug dealer serves 15 years.

The State has made it abundantly clear it cares nothing for rehabilitation. So, they chuck us into these holding pins for various amounts of time and do nothing to aid us in our quest to mature into productive citizens. In fact, they often work to hinder us in our goal. Educational programs and institutes of higher learning are difficult to enroll in, particularly for any of us in with more than five years left to serve. Pursuit of personal interests are not encouraged. As a writer I have no access to a typewriter and publication requires me to jump through hoops, if I ever get a shot. Rather than encouraging offenders to strive for betterment and aiding us in this pursuit, they offer us no motivation. Now, I agree that this is not an excuse. Those who truly wish to change will be self-motivated but certainly by offering rehabilitative programs that allows one to potentially earn an earlier release date, will find those who are not as self-motivated working towards various goals. Of course, there should still be some form of evaluation to determine who is truly ready for reentry and who is not.

Finally, it should not be a priority for institutions to create numerous policies that are unnecessary or to antagonize inmates who are causing no problems. The institutions primary goal should be to work with the wards of the institution, as to see the operation of the prison run more smoothly and the inmates housed are encouraged in attempts of productivity and ultimately a successful reentry into society.

"A Moment of Heartbreak"

(Two short compositions for a love that never was)

"Beautiful Pain"

My Stains/ They wash away/ Every time I close my eyes/ Enter the rain/ The sweetest thing/ I've ever known/ Comes down all around me/ Sinks into my bones

If I've never said it, I will say it now
I've always loved you, and I always will
As I grow older, my soul will never change
My heart beats softly for you, Beautiful Pain

My eyes/ see into you/ Gently I lay you down/ In clouds of blue/ Reveal the truth/ Look into me/ Drown all my fears/ In ecstasy

And if here, I should remain
I would give my life
To breathe you in again

Your touch/ Makes me complete/ Another year goes by/ In agony/ If I could be/ A part of you/ Would it give to me/ A life renewed.

If I've never said it, I will say it now
I've always loved you, and I always will
As I grow older, my soul will never change
My heart beats softly for you, Beautiful Pain

And if here, I should remain
I would give my life
To breathe you in again
And nothing lasts forever
But with you I'm satisfied.

"Little Daggers"

And she came into my life
Like daggers to the heart
Deadly and beautiful
My sunshine, my rain
My comfort, my pain
Like daggers
My everything.

"Fear"

I'm not afraid of death
I'm only afraid of dying
I'm not afraid of life
I'm just afraid of trying
I'm not afraid to face God when it's all said and done
I'm only afraid that when He looks at me He won't see his son
I'm not afraid of the future
But I'm afraid of the past
For there lie my skeletons waiting to dance
I'm not afraid for my family
But I fear for myself
That I'll forget how to love them
While confined in this cell
Or that they will forget me as the years go by
That my last shred of hope will wither and die
I'm afraid of nothing
Yet I fear everything
But what I fear most
Is the fear that fear brings.

"Becoming"

I have struggled to understand this life. My studies have led me down many paths in a search for wisdom. After some time I came to a foundation, four core concepts I felt could explain who I am and what I believe in. Call it my war cry for a New Nation of Intellectual, free-thinkers bent on striving for something higher. They have led me to a state of becoming, that has led me to Divine purpose and laid a path to the perfection of the soul.

Refuse, Resist, Rise Above, Regret Nothing!

1. Refuse to Conform: Conformity leads one to a loss of individuality. It is the individual that makes the greatest contributions to a society. The free-thinkers, and fiery souls that ignite the passions of those they touch. So think for yourselves, be opinionated and never compromise what you hold dear.

2. Resist Oppression: Oppression leads to repression and soon one forgets the things he once held to be true. The oppressed man stands for nothing and loses their identity. Their masters think for them. Be your own master and rule your life.

3. Rise Above All Expectations: Continuously strive to better yourself in all things. Let no man cast a 'label' upon you. Be better than what anyone thinks you capable of and then reach for even higher goals.

4. Regret Nothing: Everything in life serves a purpose. Learn from your mistakes, don't regret them, for they have taught you a great lesson. In all things strive to do what is right, so you will have no cause to 'regret'. Be remorseful when you do do wrong but never regret the action - learn from it and move on with your life, continuing to Rise Above...

*** NOTE: Dan has sent numerous entries so I am going to start posting them twice a week at his request. Poetry/songs will be posted on Tuesdays and essays will be posted on Thursdays. Keep reading! Thanks for all of your support!

"My Brother....My Friend"

I am Dan's sister. I had originally intended to post my brother's blogs every Thursday and since I am new to this, I mistakenly posted a new one this past Monday. So, I decided to fill the void today by taking a moment to shed some light on who Dan really is.

As you know, he is currently incarcerated in a Correctional Center in Virginia. He is a prisoner and although he has brought it upon himself he is not really this person who sits behind bars in his dismal cell. I know him to be kind, funny, considerate, artistic and above all, my friend.

I never had many friends while I was growing up. My family and I traveled with a theatre production company and I was around adults the majority of my childhood. While my brother was quite a bit older than I, he was my best friend. He and I would put on shows, play with little army men but mostly we would just go exploring. I adored my brother and always wanted to be like him.

Now that I am older and our situation is as such, I still want to be like him. Don't get me wrong, I do not want to end up behind bars. I do, however, want to be who he really is; a writer, a lyricist, a creator, a musician, an artist, a conversationalist. He is so much more than a convict. He's my brother...my friend.